Reflections from a Slave.

"So take the feelings and let them run. They'll make their own paths and You'll show me which ones to follow. Rip my heart open and piece it back together into one that is crafted after Yours. I am willing and waiting. Set me free."

That has become my most recent life-prayer. As Romans 6 all too clearly states, I am a slave--"once a slave to sin, now a slave to righteousness." I associate many masters in my life to that concept. At various times I have been a slave to relationships, to logic--yes, to sin--but lately I have been so struck by the fact that I am constantly a slave to my emotions. It's sobering to realize how many decisions I have made based on a temporary whim convinced that it was the practical choice.

I'm still digesting what Paul had to say in Romans 6-7. They are very familiar and yet so foreign, because they have such a new context to me now. Over the past several months, God has finally reached a breakthrough in my heart pertaining to this constant search for freedom. Whom I had once seen as an overbearing, unjust, uncaring God has finally become my closest Friend, dearest Ally and Source of life. It has been a years-long journey and I still have much ground left to tread. But this freedom that He is starting to show me finally makes my life worth living. It gives me a reason to keep smiling, to keep trusting that He's just getting started w/me and won't leave me to fight alone.

Regardless, I remain a slave to human nature. This is why I have a persistent pull toward following the direction of my selfish, sinful heart. It has become so tainted by all the choices I've made in my life: I chose pleasure over patience, manipulation over truth. And there is no doubt that I am now bearing the consequences. And it's painful. Even more frustration is added on by the fact that old habits die hard. Left here on this earth, my heart is still drawn to the things around it, to the impulsive nature I've been blessed and cursed with. And it is a constant battle to change these tendencies for a life of holiness.

That could be easily misinterpreted. I'm finding myself using so many terms in this post that I hate to hear because my mind is tainted too: tainted by human teachings, early disappointment, being led to follow a lie before I was able to speak for myself. This has been the root of my struggle for freedom. But fortunately, this is where God broke clean through when I least expected it.

And He still is today.

"So strip these masters of their illusions of power. Show them who the true Boss is. Give me liberty or I'll perish forever. I'm drowning and I need You to set my soul free."